Rule for dating my son

My boys are every bit as precious and awesome and wonderful as your little princess, Mr. Matter of fact, they are so amazing, I think we need to set a few ground rules for dating my son! In short, Michael’s rules, well, rule and I’m working to incorporate them into my parenting agenda for the next decade or so. Dear Son’s Potential Future Date, First things first, my name is Dad and Buried, and I’m your potential future date’s father. That’s cray-cray, and not a good way to start a relationship! This is civilized society, not Walmart on Black Friday. This is not a treat, but a promise: I will sneak into my son’s room like a ninja and check his phone nightly for inappropriate sexts or naughty pictures so you best not be sending ’em.I don’t care how much my son likes it when you let your thongy freak flag fly. Look, I don’t mind tattoos per se but you’re a teenage girl and right now that tat is making you look like someone who doesn’t give a $#@& about her parents.I know I’ll have taught my son the important stuff, so that by the time you start making googly eyes at him, he’ll be respectful and kind and honest, but also loyal and brave and tolerant and accepting. It’s the foundation of any good relationship, and totally bullet-free. No, I’m not going to threaten you physically or verbally or even with sign language. He’ll be the type of person who will stand up for himself, and who will stand up for others, if need be.

You don’t have to suck up to me for me to like you, but you do need to respect our family’s values. I don’t expect you to have your whole life figured out but I do expect you to go to school (and by going to school I don’t mean smoking out on the grassy knoll near the track with your fellow ditch bitches). Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment.


Do you have a nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

Hence, he is not an object for you to play with, manipulate, and discard at your leisure.

I suffered through 42 hours of labor to have him, and will unleash an unimaginable amount of anger such that the movie 300 will look like an episode of the Little House on the Prairie should you cross me.

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  1. He is currently a Ph D candidate in the UMSON with a research focus on using mobile applications in managing chronic diseases. Piscotty, Jr., Ph D, RN-BC assistant professor, completed his Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree at Wayne State University in Detroit, his MS in Nursing Business and Health Systems and his Ph D in Nursing at the University of Michigan Ann Arbor.